Cart

Your cart is empty

Continue shopping now

How Perfectionism Can Sabotage Your Relationships

Sporty & Rich Wellness Club - How Perfectionism Can Sabotage Your Relationships

 


By: @ericabassotherapy


If you identify as a perfectionist, you are likely aware of the many negative effects that perfectionist tendencies have on your life, like the incessant inner critic, difficulty celebrating successes, overworking, avoidance of trying new things, and ultimately the lack of joy or fun it can inflict on your life. Perfectionism is the idea that if we look perfect, act perfect, and live perfectly that we will protect ourselves from shame, blame, and/or judgment from others. The problem is that perfectionism acts as a shield, blocking one from living an authentic and satisfying life, especially in one’s romantic relationships.


It’s normal to have a list of desirable qualities you are hoping to find in a romantic partner, although perfectionists will extend unrealistic expectations and standards they have for themselves onto their partners. Perfectionists are highly concerned and disappointed over mistakes, critical towards themselves and others, and are more reactive than others. As you can imagine, trying to manage your partner in this way sets the relationships up for failure, disappointment, and conflict.


Let’s talk about how to recognize the ways perfectionism can show up in your relationships and how to keep it from sabotaging them.


Signs of Perfectionism in Relationships

 

- You fall in love with the fantasy of who they could be versus who they actually are

- You don’t allow them to take the lead or make decisions

- You don’t forgive easily if they fail to meet your expectations or rules

- You hyper focus on what they need to improve on

- You are easily disappointed when things don’t go as you imagined

- You frequently wonder if there is someone better for you out there

- You expect your partner to know how to meet your needs without telling them


Let’s go over some examples of how this can sabotage your relationships.


Unrealistic Expectations


Perfectionists have a hard time adjusting and coping with their emotions when things don’t go according to plan or according to a certain idea they have in their minds. Perfectionists tend to not account for unexpected changes, obstacles, or human error. As you can imagine, this takes a person out of the present moment and it becomes very difficult for them to enjoy what’s going on due to them ruminating on the fact that their plans did not go as expected. This may cause their partner to feel frustrated or distance themselves.


Black and White Thinking


Perfectionists tend to ruminate about the little things going wrong and this changes the way they think about a situation and life experiences. Minor mishaps are magnified, turned into beliefs of failure, and warp the individual’s perception of the event/experience. One tiny thing not going according to plan, or one mistake your partner makes can turn a perfectionists’ entire mood and outlook upside down. The inability to bounce back and gain perspective on a situation creates tension and resentment in relationships.


Falling for the Fantasy


Perfectionists often don’t consider if their self imposed standards are ones their partner shares. It’s likely that they are not. Encouraging or supporting your partner in their growth is one thing, but expecting or demanding your partner to change to fit your ideal is another. Everyone wants to feel accepted and good enough by the person they are with. Perfectionists constantly feel let down by their partners and this creates distance, resentment, and negativity in the relationship. 


As you can see, perfectionists take on a controlling role in their relationships. Perfectionists think they need to behave in these ways to reach their idea of what a “perfect” relationship looks like, but these are the very behaviors that sabotage them reaching any semblance of that vision. If you are relating to this article it may be helpful to consider how you have received feedback from partners on your behavior. Did you become resistant or defensive to it? Perfectionists often have blind spots that prevent them from seeing how their behaviors are harming themselves and others. Consider what would happen if you allowed your partner to feel heard when they’re expressing how these behaviors are negatively impacting them and the relationship, rather than becoming defensive.


References:

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-001-1013-4


Erica Basso is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist practicing statewide in California. She helps guide women in overcoming anxiety, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome. To learn more about working with her, visit www.ericabassotherapy.com.

Previous
Next

The Wellness Club

Sporty & Rich Wellness - What’s Causing My Skin to Breakout?

What’s Causing My Skin To Breakout?

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By: @curanaturopathy Your skin health is a reflection of your internal health. If there's any signs of imbalance in the form of active breakouts, pimples, blemishes, so on, this can give us an indication that there's an imbalance internally and most often it's related to our gut health. Factors such as nutrition, hormones, stress, lifestyle choices can also influence your skin....

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness - Are Electrolytes Healthy For You?

Are Electrolytes Healthy For You?

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By: @gooodmoodfoood I am sure you have seen a lot of information on social media and the internet lately about drinking electrolytes. This may be slightly confusing because we have been told for years that sodium is bad for us and is making us dehydrated! In reality, ultra-processed foods high in processed sodium leave us feeling dehydrated and lethargic. When an individual...

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness - The Importance of Non-Toxic Skincare: Health Risks of Popular Ingredients in Conventional Products

The Importance of Non-Toxic Skincare: Health Risks of Popular Ingredients in Conventional Products

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By: @inceipek1 In recent years, there has been a growing concern among consumers about the potential health risks associated with the use of conventional skincare products. Many popular ingredients found in these products, such as emulsifiers, parabens, and others, have come under scrutiny for their potential toxicity. Emulsifiers: Emulsifiers are commonly used in skincare...

Read more
SIBO: The Most Commonly Missed Cause of IBS

SIBO: The Most Commonly Missed Cause of IBS

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By: @drmelissa.co Bloating, abdominal discomfort, unusual gas, constipation and/or diarrhoea are all symptoms that western medicine commonly chalks up to Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). But IBS is essentially a blanket diagnosis for a group of symptoms, without providing any insight into the cause of the symptoms or curative treatments. Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO) is a condition of the small intestine. The...

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness

Where to Start When Healing Acne

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By: @drmelissa.co Acne is one of the most complex skin concerns to treat. Treatment often involves a lot of trial and error and each case requires an individualized approach to achieve the best result. Patients may opt to treat the skin with pharmaceuticals (oral or topical), conventional skincare products, or with more natural options including supplements, gentle topicals, herbs, acupuncture, light therapy, etc. Regardless...

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness - Your Comprehensive Guide to SPF

Your Comprehensive Guide to SPF

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By: @dermahealthnutrition  Relaxing in the warmth of the sun is undoubtedly enjoyable, but are you aware of the potential risks? Protecting your skin from harmful rays is essential to prevent sunburn, reduce the risk of skin cancer and premature ageing. Here's what you need to know:...

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness - The Importance of the Skin Barrier

The Importance of the Skin Barrier

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By: @curanaturopathy Our skin barrier plays a crucial role in a healthy glowing complexion, but unfortunately there are many internal and external factors that influence the functionality of our skin barrier.  The skin barrier is the outermost layer of your skin, referred to as the epidermis or status corneum - this layer of tissue is...

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness - Omega-3 Fatty Acids for Skin Health

Omega-3 Fatty Acids for Skin Health

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By: @dermahealthnutrition  Omega-3 fatty acids are essential to our health and, according to recent research, may also have a positive effect on skin conditions such as atopic dermatitis, psoriasis, acne, and wound healing. Omega-3 fatty acids are a type of polyunsaturated fat and are called "omega-3" because the first double bond in their chemical structure is at the third...

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness

The Connection Between Exercise and Skin Health

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By @coreflexpilates founder @chrisbardawil Exercise keeps our skin clear and firm, boosts its blood flow, removes toxins, and lowers cortisol levels. All of these factors are beneficial for the skin, but there are some things to be aware of when it comes to exercise and skin health, these are mainly; redness, bacteria, and drying out of the skin.When first looking up this...

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness - What is Microcurrent and Does it Work?

What is Microcurrent and Does it Work?

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

@drmelissa.co Microcurrent devices have become a staple in the routines of many skincare professionals and aficionados. These at-home and in-office devices claim to tighten and lift the face while softening fine lines and wrinkles...but do they work?  Microcurrent devices provide treatments that are non-invasive and gentle. They deliver low level electrical currents...

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness - Perioral Dermatitis

Perioral Dermatitis

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

By: @drmelissa.co Perioral Dermatitis (PD) describes the inflammation of the skin around the mouth (peri- meaning “around”, and oral referring to “mouth"). It typically presents as a red, itchy and swollen rash. PD most commonly affects females age 20 to 45, and can affect children as well. PD is often misdiagnosed as acne or rosacea. PD occurs because the skin around the mouth has fewer...

Read more
Sporty & Rich Wellness - Debunking the Myth: Embracing the Beauty of Oil for Healthy Skin

Embracing the Beauty of Oils for Healthy Skin

Translation missing: en.blogs.article.by Taylor Davis

  By: @inceipek1 For far too long, oil has been deemed the enemy when it comes to skincare. Many people believe that applying oil to the skin can lead to breakouts, excessive greasiness, and clogged pores. However, this belief is based on a misunderstanding of the complex nature of oils and their interactions with...

Read more